Told you I'm Weird

Today...I've learnt about parental love.
Was over at the boyfriend's place for dinner this evening and was talking to his mum who was enthusiastically telling me about how the boyfriend and his brother were when they were younger. I had a great time listening to her, especially when she told me the things she and their dad did since they were young. Both she and uncle really love their sons and they really go at length to show it.
I wouldn't go into detail here but the things she said certainly touched me and brought some tears to my eyes (which, of course, I had to control).
Seeing how much they love their sons, it made me want to love the boyfriend even more. It's like this desire to carry on this love and to make sure he's cared for and all. It also made me respect his parents alot more, and I would want to do all I can to be nice to them.
And I also thought about my own mummy and daddy. How they have been very tolerant with a brat like me. And how my dad recently gave me a kiss on my forehead, something which he hasn't done in years. I feel like a little girl all over again, and bah..thinking about it makes me want to cry. (Yes I'm a cry baby)

I really wonder what it would be like for me to be a mother.
I really wonder if I can live up to being one.
Because all I really want for him/her/them is that they'll be happy whatever they do, and that they'll live with integrity in their life, and be a blessing in society. I guess I just want to really love them. In an appropriate way.

Watched The Devil Wears Prada with the boyfriend today.
We thought it was a chick flick but well... it has some sobering lessons to impart.
I took this from the movie and I totally agree with it. What we do in life doesn't and shouldn't matter, as long as we do what we do with integrity. As long as we can look back at ourselves with dignity and pride. I think that's the most important. No one should tell us what to do with our lives and no one should take us away from our dreams. But it all lies within us to put in our all to achieve them.
Well, other than Anne Hathaw*y's weird face and so-so acting skills... it's quite a nice movie to watch.

I used to think, when I was younger, that everyone in this world has 'the one' waiting for them in their lives. And it only comes sooner or later. (Of course there are those who would remain as singles..but I'm not talking about them right now). But with enough (though not alot) experience to make sense of things, I dont think I easily subscribe to the notion of 'the one'. Because perhaps it sounds too idealistic for me. But I do believe that when we meet a person who sweeps us off our feet, and who adds colour to our lives, and who seems to complement us in ways that are far beyond our imagination, that person is certainly special. It just depends on where we are, who we meet, and in which order we meet them. Of course if you're religiously governed, then perhaps this 'the one' thing is something you can make sense of.

I think it's a wonderful feeling to be with a person who's just right in many aspects of your life. The amount of freedom and space that I get, the method of communication, the way he reacts when I'm unhappy, the amount of relenting when I want things my way (I need a guy who doesn't always give in.), the amount of pampering, the way we solve problems, the way we look at problems and tide through them, our interests and friends, the huge amount of trust he has for me and the disregard of my past.... etc, they are all pretty just right. While I'm taking a practical stand and understand that it's only in our fantasy that perfection can be attained, I do believe that a relationship can be kept beautiful if the two hearts involved 'beat as one' and agree on pertinent issues. I can't say for sure that everything now would remain as it is many years down the road. And hell, I'm of course afraid that things will change (I get very very afraid thinking about things like that), but I'm comforted with the fact that he's willing to try to put in his all to make things right.

I have been with various people in my life ( Im not talking about intimate relationships...just those people whom I'm close to in certain points of my life), and the more I am with them, the more I know myself and the more I know what I need.

And that being said, I can't help but appreciate who I am with even more.

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Maybe this sounds stupid, but I'm a person who does random things based strongly on my gut feelings. I make out-of-the-blue decisions just because something random nudges me on to do something. Most of the time, I am happy with the decisions that I make and I would never have them otherwise. Of course there are times when I'm not too sure either.

So this is me. When I set my eyes on an object that invokes certain special feelings that I can't put my finger to, I would attempt to make it mine. Even if it didn't take too much rationality on my part to arrive at that decision.

It's nice to have people agreeing to what I write and to cheer me on :)
So keep those comments coming!
Of course... dissenting opinions are very much welcomed too!

Today I learnt that dreams do not have to remain as dreams forever.
Every dream has the potential to be fulfilled, if you put ur mind and soul to it.

And so, as a teacher-to-be, I ought to keep the spirits high and listen to what my favourite teacher told me, 'no matter how hard it is in future, keep the ideals there. It's what keeps you going.'

How inspiring really :)

I feel happy being around people who have dreams and ideals. I really like that they get excited over the silliest or noblest idea that they have, and I really think that they should be brave enough to achieve them. We all need courage to pursue our goals in life.

Why? It's not that difficult is it?

Well let's just say that the reason why we dream and desire in our lives is because the object of our dreams and desires are not easy to achieve and we have a lack of it in our lives. How can we ever desire something that we already have? And if we already have that something, why else would we desire it? Desire exists simply because we cannot have it. But we should never stop trying even though the thought of it sounds futile.

I say, living our lives each day with our desires at the top of our minds explains the meaningfulness of life itself.

We need courage to desire, and we need even more courage to keep desiring because more oftehn than not, the world is not on our side. Busy-ness creeps in; people's skepticisms break us down, cynicism arises...etc. There are never-ending obstacles  that create a gulf between us and our ideals.

But if we back down because of all these obstacles, how can we ever do justice to ourselves?

What will become of our life if we do not dream and desire?

Why should we let jadedness creep up on us , luring us with its tentacles gradually from daring to dream?

No one ought to tell us what we can or cannot do.

So let's not stop dreaming.

I'm beginning to fall...

*Scared

I hope I dont sound weird or amoral or psychotic when I say this,
but I quite enjoy being bare-skinned, or just butt- naked.
Of course I'm not saying that I would be anal and start running around the streets nude. I know my limits, merci:)

There's this liberating feeling that's really hard to describe. There's no inhibition, no worries, no mask, no facades. Zilch. Just a plain me with no form of adornment.
Perhaps it's also because of the taboo that' attached with being without clothes that gives a triumphant sense from having rebelled.

I would very much love to be able to plunge into a cool river or lake by a little waterfall in the midst of the green lushes bare-naked. I love the idea of being really close to nature, with no trace of the urban life on me, and clothes is part of the urban make-up.

Shameless, I know.

Ha, but I dont care.

Am about to begin a miniature war game called Hordes.

Hordes logo

Circle

Here's my warlord..my female heroine!

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I dig female heroines. Haha.. (No I dont think I'm a feminist)
This is Kaya. She rocks.
Wait till you check out her war beast.

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By the way, if you have to purchase miniatures, do it over on Amazon. Considering the discount and the shipping fees, it's way cheaper than in Singapore. Just a tip.

Making me smile is really effortless.

Here are some things that makes me glad:

~ An old couple holding hands while walking
~ Impromptu kisses that catch me by surprise
~ Handmade gifts
~ A sleeping child
~ Good icecream after a crazy day
~The ocean
~ A sky-bed of stars
~ Seeing my loved ones smile

That's on top of raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens; bright copper kettles and warm woolly mittens; brown paper packages tied up with strings...